Waiting

This road is getting exhausting.
Just when I think I'm almost done, there's another turn.
It's taking a toll on my emotions and my mind.
My strength is draining slowly,
I just want to be done.

Your voice isn't as loud
And the clouds seem to be rolling in.
God I don't know if I can make it
I'm not even sure,
Where's the end?

Sweat is dripping  
My heart is beating out of my chest
My lungs feel over used
And my feet are torn and bruised

Lord I'm tired
My muscles ache
My heart is overwhelmed
How much longer will this take?

Everyone has something to say,

but Lord I only want to hear your voice.
But you seem to be quiet in this time.
In this time of desperation

I want to finish this.
I want to make you proud.
I want to be complete and mature
lacking nothing
But God I'm not gonna lie this is the hardest thing.

Buried Alive

Like a corpse in the ground still breathing,
the spirit of lust seems like a never ending story.
A distorted mindset that never dies
and it continues to haunt my pulsing mind.

My desire to bury this dead beating heart
is overtaking the blood in my arms.
Its coming out of my eyes
and is running down my face
and leaves on my chest a scarlet stain.

Do others see this dead body following me?
I can't seem to get rid of it.
It's creaking bones are all I hear,
especially at night, when it grips my ears.

The fear of it killing me is a nauseating feeling.
It puts a noose around the me and threatens the things I love.
But I can't think straight because of the adrenaline in my veins
and I fall for its demented temptations once again.
 
These dead bones have grown into my spine.
They have controlled my actions and possessed my mind.
My hope is gone with the wind whistling through the cracks
of this once beautiful design.

With what little voice I have left
with what little life still beating in my chest
I cry out to you Lord to bring me back to life
to save the little girl that has lost all hope
before she puts her faith to eternal rest.

Then the sun hit the horizon with a new light
and it reflected on the morning dew.
With it came new hope and a new view.

My bones have new life and new strength
and I can't help but cry
because that night my hope had died
and I lost all sight.
But the Lord heard my faint prayer
and when I had not one more tear,
He woke me up with a heart warming hug
and put new breath in my lungs.

I'm Definatley Not a Poet

I don't understand
How one look from a man
can cause a chemical reaction
of emotions and feelings that
I can't comprehend.
The roughness of his skin
can make me feel safe and protected
like nothing could ever
break him or bend him.

His hands on the framework of my being
The rhythm in them causing the beat surging through me
Our lips singing to the song our heart beats are playing
and I record it deep in my mind
so I can play it over and over again.
As this melody plays throughout my day
I can only help but keep a smile
Because this time I know I've found the one,
the one my heart has always desired.


Yes I know, I'm not the best with words.
You major in English, I major in motions,
and how our bodies work.
If I could only show you the neurons running through me
and the messages they're bringing.
If only I could show you the essence of my thinking.
I might be able to truly tell you that I am completely in love with you.

He Could Be The One

Lately I've been so focused on my boyfriend and I've been consumed by my emotions and hormones towards him. I've been so focused on the fact that "he could be the one" that I lost focus of the true one and only. I distanced myself from the one, the one that actually has my heart, the one that my heart truely desires. I've made my boyfriend the most important person in my life and pushed God to the side. God should always be "the one". The one who gives Joy, makes you feel complete, and gets you through life. I need to stop focusing on if "he could be the one" and more on the man who is the one! He is above all things on this earth. He was, and is our creator, father, and husband. We are supposed to be one with God. He allows us to bring a human with us on our journey of loving our one true love, Jesus Christ.

But She Had Wings

"Destruct to Reconstruct"

You gave me butterflies

They flustered at the sight of you 

They wanted to be released 

But you didn't give them the chance to.

The cage was holding them back for so long,

But they continued to dance.

They continued to kiss my heart and sing their song. 

But you sir came along and murdered them all.

Your violent words destroyed them. 

You ripped their beautiful wings 

And torn them from my heart. 

A part of me was missing.

The cage was broken and they were gone. 

All that was left was a heart exposed to the cold wet air I can depend on. 

You came back. 

With their wings mangled and torn 

Their vibrant colors all over your hands 

But you still came back 

You tried to fix things and get rid of the mistrust.

You said things hoping it would change it.

You tried to replace them but they were only moths in the dust. 

I can't get those butterflies back. 

You cry and scream hoping that they would revive

But they died the day you broke me inside.

 

Your arms barely mend the broken cage 

My heart was devastated by the lose of their lives. 

I sat there and cried because not one survived.

My heart tried to bring back what was left of the ashes

But there was not much left

It tried and tried and tried again 

You continued your embrace to try and fix and replace but I only had an empty case 

I want them back! 

I want them back! 

Lord! Bring them back!

I know they're gone 

but Lord they sang your song. 

They loved you the most 

And to you they'd draw close. 

You put them there 

And You gave them life. 

Then there it was. 

The beginning of a new creation. 

A very fragile being 

But it was life none the less. 

Lord I love it. 

But help me protect it 

"I will, but it will take time,

it'll take time to reconstruct it."

 

"Oh little one!"

 

I watch you.

Slowly but surely 

Little by little you grow. 

Your wings begin to find its color 

Some colors are stronger than others

but that's what makes you, you. 

I see you.

Some days you get scared 

But I'm always here 

I'm here to help you learn. 

You're small right now 

So don't feel bad. 

One day you'll get too big for your case 

And you'll be free.

You'll open up 

and finally unveil you're gorgeous colors.

Those insecurities will perish

And you'll be free I promise. 

I know the outside world is scary,

To take a risk and not know what's there,

To not know what will happen when you leave what you know so well.

I know it's scary 

But it's a mystery 

and that's what adds the thrill.

An adventure is no adventure if there is nothing to explore, 

If there's nothing to find or discover.

Enjoy the world. 

Enjoy the view. 

Enjoy the adventure.  

Explore the unknown.

Don't be afraid to get lost. 

Don't be afraid to end up were you've never been before. 

Don't be afraid to try something new.

Just don't be afraid. 

I'll protect you.

I love you and I promise 

to always watch over you. 

Your life is fragile

I know that.

But I'm bigger and greater than you know.

You're so precious 

And I'll never let you fall. 

 

"Butterfly Kisses"

You wouldn't believe me if I told you how big they have become 

And how beautiful they are. 

The beat of their wings causes and eruption of emotion inside me.

They seem to be causing the very rhythm of my heart beat. 

When the very core of who you are is intertwined with mine. 

The butterflies begin to understand the essence of how to fly. 

The force of air from their beating wings causes an almost nauseating feeling.

They're beginning to invade every area of my being.

My dreams, my thoughts and my general mind.

They have made a home in the comfort of my bones 

And have settled my hope that was lost in my distorted mind. 

If only I could hold them 

And see the beauty that they have bestowed on my mixed up heart.

To treasure everything they've become and everything they are. 

But you seem to know them 

You oh so gently caress them and hold them 

They find peace in the palm of your hand

And on your lips is where they softly land.
 

What does love look like?

We live in a world were media tells you what love is.
They abuse it, overdue it, show it off
and completely confuse it.
Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty
all put an idea in my head of what it could be
but God I don't know what it should be.

I think I might have found it
but I don't know
because this world has put in my head
some distorted expectation
of a tingling sensation
that's suppose to be love.

Sometimes I overthink it
and dream of a love that's completely perfect
but what we forget is
not a thing in this world
can be labeled like that.

Am I wrong to expect something more?
Am I wrong to think you don't adore me
the way I think I suppose to be?
Is it wrong to think love looks different than this?
I think I'm believing the lies culture gives to us.

I'm just so confused as to what love is.
What its suppose to look like and how its suppose to be.
Is there such thing as true love and if so is this what it'll be.







Oh but the love of a father,
the love of a creator
that is far better than we can ever imagine.

When we focus on a love greater
than what we know in this world,
love in this world becomes easier.

When we realize we are capable of loving
because love himself is in us,
it changes the way we love.

Love on this earth is merely a gift form above.
It's one of many ways the Lord shows he loves us.
He gives us the opportunity to
enjoy life with someone else while
we pursue and worship him.

Guilt

The guilt residing is slowly seeping into my unsatisfied self centered heart. 

I'm beginning to see the lack of self- discipline designed to delicately direct my destiny.

It's difficult to recognize the rebellious reasoning that reality recurrently racks in my mind. 

Oh Lord I continue to fail at this logical list of liberating guidelines and I feel like a failure for forgetting the fatherly love that follows the free will fortunately given. 

Help me to do this right, help me do this to glorify your notable name 

Help me to not screw up the most precious thing you've given me 

Help me Lord to do this the way you envision it 

Pure and guilt free.