But She Had Wings

"Destruct to Reconstruct"

You gave me butterflies

They flustered at the sight of you 

They wanted to be released 

But you didn't give them the chance to.

The cage was holding them back for so long,

But they continued to dance.

They continued to kiss my heart and sing their song. 

But you sir came along and murdered them all.

Your violent words destroyed them. 

You ripped their beautiful wings 

And torn them from my heart. 

A part of me was missing.

The cage was broken and they were gone. 

All that was left was a heart exposed to the cold wet air I can depend on. 

You came back. 

With their wings mangled and torn 

Their vibrant colors all over your hands 

But you still came back 

You tried to fix things and get rid of the mistrust.

You said things hoping it would change it.

You tried to replace them but they were only moths in the dust. 

I can't get those butterflies back. 

You cry and scream hoping that they would revive

But they died the day you broke me inside.

 

Your arms barely mend the broken cage 

My heart was devastated by the lose of their lives. 

I sat there and cried because not one survived.

My heart tried to bring back what was left of the ashes

But there was not much left

It tried and tried and tried again 

You continued your embrace to try and fix and replace but I only had an empty case 

I want them back! 

I want them back! 

Lord! Bring them back!

I know they're gone 

but Lord they sang your song. 

They loved you the most 

And to you they'd draw close. 

You put them there 

And You gave them life. 

Then there it was. 

The beginning of a new creation. 

A very fragile being 

But it was life none the less. 

Lord I love it. 

But help me protect it 

"I will, but it will take time,

it'll take time to reconstruct it."

 

"Oh little one!"

 

I watch you.

Slowly but surely 

Little by little you grow. 

Your wings begin to find its color 

Some colors are stronger than others

but that's what makes you, you. 

I see you.

Some days you get scared 

But I'm always here 

I'm here to help you learn. 

You're small right now 

So don't feel bad. 

One day you'll get too big for your case 

And you'll be free.

You'll open up 

and finally unveil you're gorgeous colors.

Those insecurities will perish

And you'll be free I promise. 

I know the outside world is scary,

To take a risk and not know what's there,

To not know what will happen when you leave what you know so well.

I know it's scary 

But it's a mystery 

and that's what adds the thrill.

An adventure is no adventure if there is nothing to explore, 

If there's nothing to find or discover.

Enjoy the world. 

Enjoy the view. 

Enjoy the adventure.  

Explore the unknown.

Don't be afraid to get lost. 

Don't be afraid to end up were you've never been before. 

Don't be afraid to try something new.

Just don't be afraid. 

I'll protect you.

I love you and I promise 

to always watch over you. 

Your life is fragile

I know that.

But I'm bigger and greater than you know.

You're so precious 

And I'll never let you fall. 

 

"Butterfly Kisses"

You wouldn't believe me if I told you how big they have become 

And how beautiful they are. 

The beat of their wings causes and eruption of emotion inside me.

They seem to be causing the very rhythm of my heart beat. 

When the very core of who you are is intertwined with mine. 

The butterflies begin to understand the essence of how to fly. 

The force of air from their beating wings causes an almost nauseating feeling.

They're beginning to invade every area of my being.

My dreams, my thoughts and my general mind.

They have made a home in the comfort of my bones 

And have settled my hope that was lost in my distorted mind. 

If only I could hold them 

And see the beauty that they have bestowed on my mixed up heart.

To treasure everything they've become and everything they are. 

But you seem to know them 

You oh so gently caress them and hold them 

They find peace in the palm of your hand

And on your lips is where they softly land.
 

What does love look like?

We live in a world were media tells you what love is.
They abuse it, overdue it, show it off
and completely confuse it.
Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty
all put an idea in my head of what it could be
but God I don't know what it should be.

I think I might have found it
but I don't know
because this world has put in my head
some distorted expectation
of a tingling sensation
that's suppose to be love.

Sometimes I overthink it
and dream of a love that's completely perfect
but what we forget is
not a thing in this world
can be labeled like that.

Am I wrong to expect something more?
Am I wrong to think you don't adore me
the way I think I suppose to be?
Is it wrong to think love looks different than this?
I think I'm believing the lies culture gives to us.

I'm just so confused as to what love is.
What its suppose to look like and how its suppose to be.
Is there such thing as true love and if so is this what it'll be.







Oh but the love of a father,
the love of a creator
that is far better than we can ever imagine.

When we focus on a love greater
than what we know in this world,
love in this world becomes easier.

When we realize we are capable of loving
because love himself is in us,
it changes the way we love.

Love on this earth is merely a gift form above.
It's one of many ways the Lord shows he loves us.
He gives us the opportunity to
enjoy life with someone else while
we pursue and worship him.

Guilt

The guilt residing is slowly seeping into my unsatisfied self centered heart. 

I'm beginning to see the lack of self- discipline designed to delicately direct my destiny.

It's difficult to recognize the rebellious reasoning that reality recurrently racks in my mind. 

Oh Lord I continue to fail at this logical list of liberating guidelines and I feel like a failure for forgetting the fatherly love that follows the free will fortunately given. 

Help me to do this right, help me do this to glorify your notable name 

Help me to not screw up the most precious thing you've given me 

Help me Lord to do this the way you envision it 

Pure and guilt free. 

That Place

Your presence oh God I long for

I strive for your touch

You bring joy to my voice 

And life to my lungs

You pick me up and twirl me 

You bring new praises to my lips.

You bring tears in my eyes and put laughter in my chest. 

You are my best friend, 

my world, 

And everything I long for.

You bring peace of mind 

and energy to my bones.

 

You bring my dead spirit to life. 

You are my hearts desire. 

You're everything I've been searching for.

You know every part and every detail of my past. 

You know my future 

and yet your love is so vast.

I reach up to you 

Earnestly wanting your touch. 

Like a child to its parent,

I'm desperate for your love. 

I give you all of me 

All my desires and plans 

I give them all to you.

You wipe off all my shame 

You take off my burdens and my chains.

You wash off my scars and make me new.

And my past is of no remembrance to you.

I give you all of my being 

Oh Lord how I love your presence

You are my reason for living.

 

It's Different This Time

I going to be honest 

I'm scared of commitment 

I'm scared of that question 

The question that'll change my life in a moment.

I don't want to hurt you 

And I don't want to get hurt 

And what if it costs more than it's worth?

What if it just doesn't work?

And what if we lose everything we've got?

But what if its worth a shot?

How do you know when to stop

To finally just give it all you've got 

To trust with all your heart 

And believe in something that could tear you apart?

Why is it so hard to jump?

Why is it so hard to trust?

Why is it so hard? 

Why?

Dang it! 

The feelings come and go 

One day I'm fine

The next day I'm torn. 

I feel like we can conquer. 

Then I feel like you're not it. 

I feel like I'm desperate and 

That's all this is.

Are we just desperate?

Desperate for someone, 

Someone to hold 

and call our own. 

Can I just fast forward 

To a few years down the road 

When we know what we are 

and where we're to go? 

When I'm either in your arms 

or up the road,

With new people 

and new places to go, 

In a different town

that I'll eventually get to know. 

Can we just get to the point?

Can we skip the wisdom
and the lessons to be taught?

Can we just find our spot 

In each others lives 

Together or not?

Training

          I watched this movie recently called Divergent and it was about this girl who is different from everyone else because she fits into all the factions, she has the power and ability to do so. In part of the movie she is put into a simulator that makes her believe she is facing her biggest fears. Since she is divergent she passes very quickly. She is able to remove herself from this very real situation by reminding herself it isn't real.
         While I was reading this book called "Lies Young Women Believe" by Nancy Demoss and Dannah Gresh, it made me think of this scene. Tris realized not long into the test that is was fake, it was a lie. It's the same thing when it comes to the enemy's lies; we have to realize and recognize the them. Continue to remind ourselves it's a lie, like Tris, when she said "This isn't real." Once we've realized it we have to remove ourselves, the same way Tris removed herself by getting into the water or by tapping on the glass. She chose to not believe the simulation (the lie). In the book, the progression of lies go: Listening, dwelling, believing and acting. It's the same to get out of a lie. Realize what you are hearing is a lie, dwell on the fact that it's untrue ("This isn't real"), believe in the truth, and act on it, remove yourself from the lie.

 

As Christians we are divergent!

Addiction to Sadness

What do you do
when you can't do anything?
What do you say
when they're not listening?
How do you save those
who want to stay lost?
Addiction to drugs
Addiction to lust
What about the addiction undiscussed?

The addiction to sadness
The thought that there's nothing better,
That you can't become greater
That you like this hell you're in
and its easier to rot
than to repent for your sin.

You like it
The way you feel
That God is gone
and hope isn't real

I've been down that road.
God, I loved it.
I loved that feeling of not even trying
that there was no reason for even living.
The thought that I was nothing
not worth a single penny
It was easier to deny I was loved
than to walk up the hill
holding my cross
and seeing his blood

I wasn't worth it
He shouldn't have gone through that pain
I'm a screw up and he shouldn't know my name
God, no! You can't love me!
I can't return the favor, I'm just nothing!
Please leave me alone to die,
to enjoy this darkness I am inside.

Stop God! Stop loving me!
I can't handle the guilt following
I'm not worth it
I have no purpose
Please just let me be useless

I'm telling you I know this feeling
It's the devil yelling and screaming
He's filling you with lies
He wants your heart to die
He can't let you live
He knows you'll survive
You have to kill those thoughts,
those demons inside.

God loves you, just you.
Not your works
Not your words
Just accept his love
his merciful, powerful love
Its the most beautiful thing you'll ever know
Please! Please don't give up hope.